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"..if you're under sixteen, and thinking of coming here to mug people, you're in. With APEC and the Americas Cup happening, pickings will be good."
- Peter Walker

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The APEC meeting
by Peter Walker, 36, Christchurch, New Zealand
Sep 9, 1999

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Christchurch doesn't have homeless people. Well, OK, we do. But you won't find them. Marauding bands of teenage thugs will get you before you get anywhere near our homeless population. But thats OK. Once INCIS gets going (the computer system we're fighting IBM over) you'll be able to search through an electronic library of mug shots to identify your attackers. But don't worry. They won't be arrested so your stay here won't be delayed by silly things like court cases or anything. New Zealand law is a pussy when it comes to underage offenders. So if you're under sixteen, and thinking of coming here to mug people, you're in. With APEC and the Americas Cup happening, pickings will be good.

After Christchurch, Bill will be going to Queenstown. Nothing to do with effeminate people in drag. It's New Zealands' version of Aspen. A notoriously expensive ski resort town where lots of pretentious people go to don pink jump-suits and drink lattes. If you go there, you HAVE to go bungy jumping. You stand on a platform a million feet high, with a huge rubber band tied to your ankles. And that's not all. Then, you JUMP OFF! Yep. You bounce in nothingness for about an hour and then they drop you into the river and pick you up in a boat. And you know what the real blast is? You pay THEM. About a hundred bucks. But you do get a T-shirt.

It's Spring here in New Zealand now. Flowers are starting to bloom. New lambs frolic in green meadows. Old age pensioners who have survived the cold winter, even though they are too poor to pay for adequate heating (capitalistic policy again), head to the local OP shop to check out the Spring collection. Summer in Christchurch is pretty nice. We've had quite a wet winter, which is unusual. Usually its just cold and miserable. This year it was cold and miserable AND wet. But we're hoping for a long hot summer.

There's plenty to do in Christchurch in the summer. The beaches are quite nice. There's lots of walks and parks. The Botanical Gardens are pretty this time of year. And there's the Bungy Rocket - the antithesis of the Bungy Jump - where you sit in a spherical metal cage attached to two HUGE rubber bands which fling you skyward at the speed of nausea. There are also museums and historical parks. And plenty of shopping malls.

So if you're coming for APEC, or the Cup, or just for a holiday, look me up at the Airport and say Hi.

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